Unfortunately, about 18 months in I had a nervous breakdown and I didn't recover in time to complete my PhD. It is my greatest disappointment in life and something I wish I could forget about and leave behind- losing a dream career in science is something I may never get over. But, I have to keep thinking about it, to see how far I have come with my battle with mental illness.
These days, thanks to a supportive boyfriend and family and an amazing course of therapy, I made another of my dreams come true, to be a self-taught professional copywriter and now I write about science and fashion for a living on a number of platforms. One of my favourites is for a site called Femside, because I have total control over what I write.
Although I will probably battle with mental illness my whole life (I'm still on two kinds of medication), I smile a lot more, look a lot healthier and I genuinely love life once again. And although I don't have many friends now (it's hard to stay connected with people when your ill), I hope to meet lots of new people in the future :).
If you are struggling with mental illness, there is no reason to feel ashamed and you can find information and support with the wonderful charity, Mind.
Keep Dreaming Lovelies.
Gems x
Maybe that's why I like you so much! We're both crazies! :D I have a problem with panic and anxiety attacks. I've had it for years, but in the last couple of months it started getting worse, although at least I have means to fight it now. Before that, I would just fall into depression, without doing anything about it. Now I'm like "oh, so you're panicking again, go fuck yourself"... :D
ReplyDeleteWe are kindred spirits you and I :)
DeleteI hate panic attacks so much, but Cognitive Behaviour Therapy helped me so much, is that something you could try.
I have a few books I could send you if you need?
xx
When I dropped out of uni I tried to forget about it too but I've told myself now it was probably for the best. Going back I'm in a Mich better frame found so may be it was always in yiur cards to go into better things :) nothing worth having is ever easy. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like it lost me a lot of friends to but without it I would never have started blogging and connected with you :)
It's amazing how common it is, but how little people talk about it, so I blamed myself for so long. I may not get over what happened to me, but I don't think I would change it because it all brought me to where I am now, living with an amazing guy who change my life and doing something I love and having connected to so many lovely bloggers like you :) x
DeleteI think you've achieved so much and you should be SO proud! You've done more than most people do who don't suffer from any kind of illness. I'm always in awe of anyone who understands science, it was my worst subject at school (got an E in my GCSE haha) I'm glad you're happy and looking forward to the future (and I totally get what you mean about finding it hard to stay connected to people when you're ill...even though my condition is completely different I find it hard staying pals with people because I missed loads of school/uni/work...thank goodness for blogging though!) xxx
ReplyDeleteWell you will always have me and all the other bloggers with you on your journey and you are such an inspiration to me. You have a sense of humour throughout everything you go through and you just keep on going, you are the strongest person I know :) x
DeleteNaw that's a sad annecdote :( It's hard to accept that destiny gets in the way of your plans sometimes, I know. Not sure if a scientist like you would agree, but I studied philosophy and I believe that everything in life is predetermined and if something doesn't work, it was just not meant to be for you. Instead something alese will wait for you around the next corner.
ReplyDeleteYou have to let go of what you think is the best for you to pave the way for what life has up its sleeve for you.
In your case it was exactly like that it seems. Chin up! :)
I see what you mean and I can't be mad, because every choice and every thing that has happened had led me to this point now, where I am happy and starting a new exciting journey.
Deletex
I really admire you, following your dreams and having the strength and courage to do so. It sounds like you have some wonderful people that care about you and are I'm sure, absolutely so proud of you! Your future plans sound very exciting and it looks like it's only going to keep getting brighter for you; well deserved I say! <3
ReplyDeleteSophie | soinspo xo
Thanks Sophie, everyone has to overcome challenges at some point in their life and it is how you deal with them that matters. It's easier to run away, but you get the greater rewards if you do the harder thing and face them.
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Eeep, you're such a smarty pants! ;) I'm really glad you're healthier now and still getting to do what you love, even if you've taken a slightly different path. Your family must be so proud of you, I also think you're really brave for sharing this story, creating awareness and encouraging others.
ReplyDeleteTara x
Thanks Tara, it's sad that people don't feel like they can be open with mental illness, it comes so that it totally defines them as a person, when there is so much more to them than that.
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I can relate to this so much, a similar thing happened to me when I went to uni and I had to drop out. I still suffer with anxiety on a daily basis so I know how hard it is to battle through and still try to achieve what you want in life but I think this just gives you a bigger sense of achievement cos you know how hard you've fought to get to where you are now. You should be so proud of yourself :) xx
ReplyDeleteI totally agree Sadie, you do get a bigger sense of achievement, doing those little things without any problems feels like you have climbed a mountain. If you ever need to talk to anyone about anxiety, I'm here and you know I will understand.
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So brave of you to talk about this online! Stay strong girly - what's meant to be will happen!
ReplyDeletexo,
Al
www.sparklesandstilettos.com
Thanks Allie, I will. I just take every day as it comes. If one day is bad, it doesn't mean the next one will be :)
Deletex