Saturday, 26 May 2012

BEAUTIES OF THE CANNES RED CARPET!

You should know by now, that I love checking out red carpet photos, drooling over all the gowns that I will never have the fortune to wear myself...its like the best kind of torture. A few of you who read the words as well as looking at the pretty pictures will know I'm also a total bitch and love to mock the stars that got it wrong...I have an excuse for my fashion faux pas, I don't have a stylist, make-up artist and mustache waxer on speed dial. When you have all of these things a single eyelash should not be out of place, so walking down the red carpet in dress that looks like you've had a fight in a cotton field (Cheryl I'm looking at you) is unacceptable.

Anyway, now that I have the rant out the the way, most of you (except the rock dwellers) will know that the 65th annual Cannes Film Festival is in full swing - a festival where the more Art-house (fancy pant speak for pretentious) of  movies hit the spotlight and celebrities descend on the red carpet en masse in voluminous tulle gowns, which they then have cram into a narrow cinema chair for two hours to watch some pompous, possibly subtitled and quite likely black and white bore-fest. (NOTE: To all the producers and directors at Cannes I'm sure some of your movies are good, I'm just unlikely to ever watch and find out).

So moving on, here are my top red carpet gowns of Cannes, and for those who like my bitchy side, there will be a few of the gowns that didn't quite hit the mark.

Fan Bing Bing in Christopher Bu

The Chinese actress looked unbelievable in a gown that paid homage to her heritage in this amazing oriental printed fishtail gown from Christopher Bu. Fan's traditional hair, vibrant scarlet lip and porcelain skin complete the look to perfection...the striped clutch and minimal accessories accentuate, rather than overpower the gown. My favourite red carpet from Cannes so far!

Jane Fonda in Atelier Versace

Can you believe Jane Fonda is 74? It just doesn't make sense, she has the stunning curves of a woman half her age, which are shown off beautifully in this Atelier Versace gown. The bandage style, the subtle fishtail and blinging gold sequins all work so fantastic together, and I'm loving the honey gold shade of Jane's hair...it's all good!

Kelly Brook in The Blonds

Something tells me deep inside that I should hate this dress, but despite the cheap looking stones, garish pink platforms, and severely squished cleavage, I love it! The Blonds gown is almost mermaid like and with Kelly's stunning face and beachy waves, she is probably the only girl in the world who could rock that dress!

Fan Bing Bing in Elie Saab Couture

Yes its Fan Bing Bing again, but I really can't get enough of this girl, Elie Saab must be delighted as there is no better advertisement for your label thank this. The intricate lace and delicate tone, don't over power the actress' delicate beauty, but only serves to enhance it. I will be keeping a close, almost stalkerish, eye on Fan's style from now on.

Diane Kruger in Giambattista Valli Couture

Diane Kruger looked amazing at the premiere of Moonrise Kingdom, in the colour of the season, mint. The stunning asymmetric gown, nips in perfectly at the waist with exquisite drapery and the long flowing train added a whimsical fairy tale feel.

Frida Pinto in Michael Angel

Taking a risk on the red carpet really paid off for Frida Pinto as she is completely radiant in this Michael Angel gown. The embellished bodice is to die for and the nude pink skirt with daring thigh split added just the right amount of sex appeal.

Tilda Swinton in Haider Ackermann

It's probably time the few of you who read my blog knew, I'm obsessed with Tilda Swinton - She is the ultimate queen of cool. I just love her strong androgynous style and long lean shape and how about that impeccable ice blonde quiff...girl crush alert! In all seriousness, this champagne origami silk gown is just incredible, structured and elegant...I love.

Kristen Stewart in Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesquière

I really wanted to hate this dress, because Kirsten Stewart is such a sour-faced, misery, but I love the intricate and opulent beading on the floor length gown. The thigh-slit shows just the right amount of leg and the skinny leather belt nips in Kristen's svelte waist perfectly - you think this fab gown would give the actress a reason to smile - but no!

So now we get down the the stars, who at least in my opinion, had stylists who decided to have a little giggle - you really should treat those stylists nice, as it looks like a few of them were severely pissed off with their celeb clients.

Irina Shayk in Roberto Cavalli

I don't think it is Irina's dress that's the problem, the Roberto Cavalli gown is beautifully detailed and the scarlet red is super sumptuous - I think it's that she chose a dress several sizes too small. Her breasts are flattened and squeezed to within an inch of their lives (her nipples must be gasping for air, a nip slip would be unsurprising in this number) and with that thigh slash, if you look at her from the wrong angle, your gonna see what that girl had for lunch...if you know what I'm saying!

Cheryl Cole in Stephane Rolland

I know quite a few will disagree with me when I say that Cheryl's red carpet gown is an absolute catastrophe - Cheryl is an absolute dream until you get to the spot just above her knees and then its a car crash. The blood red feathers and splattering red embellishment, give the appearance that she had committed a frenzied murder on the way to a red carpet, or at the very least walked across a bloody abattoir floor as a shortcut.

Michelle Rodriguez in Dolce & Gabbana

I'm usually a huge fan of leopard print, but Michelle, girl you look cheap - animal print and black mess...together...what were you thinking? You have such a hot body and to see it swamped in layer upon layer of nasty fabric is a huge shame - give the dress back to Cher!

What dresses have you guys been loving on the red carpet of Cannes, and what dresses have you been hating? I would love to hear your thoughts!

Sorry for the slight blogger silence, I can't miss opportunities to inject some colour into my corpse white skin...back to the sun!

Gems x

10 comments:

  1. Sorry I'm not with you on Kelly Brook's dress - it's awful! But Fan's? Exquisite. Especially the Ellie Saab, it's one of the loveliest things I have ever clapped eyes on. So so pretty and delicate. LOL at your comments too, I like the bitchiness - why not? I remember reading a tweet (sorry I can't credit the author) that said Cheryl went dressed as a tampon. Nasty, but true. x

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I know I shouldn't like Kelly's dress, but I do - all the sparkling appeals to my magpie side :)
      I was going to make that comparison about Cheryl Cole but I just couldn't bring myself to write it :)

      Gems x

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  2. Wow Fan Bing Bing looks stunning!!
    Nice post sweetie.
    xx

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    1. Fan Bing Bing is amazing, her gowns throughout Cannes have been stunning - I just love her!

      Gems x

      Delete
  3. Diane Kruger is a goddess there xo
    would you like to follow each other?
    A
    xx
    http://epiquemoi.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Diane Kruger does look awesome - she has wore a great sequined Vivienne Westwood number which is well worth a look!
      I'm on route to check out your blog right now :)

      Gems x

      Delete
  4. I LOVED Diane Kruger's dress so much!

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    Replies
    1. I know, isn't it gorgeous and don't you just hate her? :)

      Gems x

      Delete
  5. Love Kelly Brook's dress, it really does remind me of a mermaid! Also loving Diane Kruger in mint, such a pretty colour! I agree about Cheryl, don't know what she was thinking.. it's like a bad version of the purple feather gown Beyonce wore to the Met Ball!

    Caroline x
    Caroline's Catwalk

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    Replies
    1. Yeah Kelly is mermaid-tastic - I love it eventhough I shouldn't!
      I know I almost feel sorry for Cheryl it's so bad - but the more I look at it the more I hate it!

      Gems x

      Delete

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