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| Cold Shoulder Dress, Primark - In Stores Now Waist Belt, New Look - Similar Here. |
At first I blamed myself for being such a useless person, then I blamed them for abandoning me when I needed them the most, but now I have just accepted that it happened and moved on. Even if these friendships could be repaired, I would never trust them enough to be the real me again, so the best thing is to let them go and wish them well for the future.
I would be lying if I said it hadn't had a lasting effect on me - I find it very difficult to make friends now and I find myself being very shy and reserved in social situations, much to my own frustration. I have very few true friends now, but I'm so lucky that I could have the best friend I could hope for in my boyfriend Ryan - I have never known someone so caring and patient, the guy is a legend. Plus, I have met some wonderful girls blogging that are sweet and supportive and I'm sure they know who they are.
So, it seems like my recently purchased cold shoulder tunic dress from Primark (just £8 by the way) is the perfect choice to go with this post, because sometimes being given the cold shoulder can be good for you in the long run.
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| Stick On Nails, Primark - In Stores Now. |
Has blogging been a bit of a lifeline for you, when things have been tough?
Gems x
Aww Gems yet another beautifully heart warming post. Your words resonate with me so much. Such a shame that so called "friends" often transpire to be anything but. Just know you are the better, stronger, spirited person and you deserve better times a million, trillion. They are the ones that lost out, not you. They missed out on a wonderful friendship with a wonderfully brave, courageous, kind, humorously smart and sweet girl, and the realisation for them will come too late. Good for you for being so strong about it, as you say giving "the cold shoulder" and moving on with your life. And looking very gorgeous rocking this outfit may I add! I am so heartened you found a best friend in Ryan, he sounds like a real diamond and you guys sound so suited. How nice too, that you feel he is your best friend :) I am very lucky to have a best friend in Rae, a girl who I have been best friends with since I was four, and a soulmate in Graham.
ReplyDeleteAside from that, I find it very hard to strike up friendships, or to feel comfortable in social scenes if I'm not with Graham. Throughout school there were some girls that were supposedly my "friends", especially one in particular, but they all did the whole "bitch behind her back but so she can hear" type stuff. They actually all ran away from me in the park one day when I started walking with them! Stupid me, I actually chased after them, desperate not to let go of these "so called friends" and be on my own. Considering we were 16, you would have thought they might have been a bit less immature. It wasn't really malicious stuff, but enough to make me feel secluded and shrivel into my shell even more. It went on with them through school, sixth form and then college, mainly because I lost loads of confidence and just trailed along with them for fear of being otherwise alone. Since then I really haven't had any other female friendships and due to working in admin I've not met any other friends. Once people treat you like that, I think it's so hard allowing proper friendships to happen without fear of the same thing happening again.
This is why I know exactly what you mean about blogging, sometimes I just want to yell out in frustration, even though it's wonderful, it often doesn't feel "real" enough and I sometimes feel gutted that despite connecting with these friends online, we couldn't have stumbled across each other in everyday life, merely for the fact that then they would be closer. I met Paula in NY and feel she is definitely my "soul sis" but I am sometimes so sad that we live so far away from each other, but always, so, so very grateful and lucky that I met her in the first place and can call such a beautiful girl a friend. And as for you beautiful, I hope we can meet one day! You are an amazing girl, who I am so proud of, and who deserves the very best of everything in life; happiness, success and everything else that those two bring! I just know you're going to accomplish everything you wish <3
Sophie | soinspo xo
Aww Sophie, you are such a kindred spirit and I'm so glad we met and just want to thank you for letting me into you life. I may be faar away, but the connection we have built seems more real than many of the face-to-face friendships I have had.
DeleteYoure amazin and I know you are going to achieve everything in life you want to.
xxx
I know exactly what you're talking about. I don't have very many friends at all and the ones I do have I rarely see. I've never been a person with lots of friends and I guess I've just accepted that now. I've had friends just sort of vanish on me. Kind of weird/sad, but I try not to let it bring me down. I guess I just don't hang out with people a lot because I have social anxiety.
ReplyDeleteBlogging has helped me soooo much! There are people who have given me so much support! It's awesome! I'm so glad you've found that too! <3 <3 <3
Your outfit is super cute as always!!! :) Your nails look amazing!!! Love it!!
Christina
http://kissesandflowers.blogspot.com/
It's so sad to me that people don't see in you (and others like Sophie) that I do. Youre a sweet, fun and just radiant person thay anyone would be lucky to have as a friend. I think there is a real bright future for you in blogging and you help girls like me to be more confident in their own bloggin adventures :)
Deletexxx
Blogging has been a total lifeline for me, when I was admitted to a unit in 2009 bloggers I'd connected with really kept me going. It was a running joke how many letters and cards I'd get each day and a couple of bloggers even came to visit me, whereas some of my oldest friends from home didn't even text. And now, blogging has been a huge help in my recovery and helping me feel less alone in general...it can be such an amazing community.
ReplyDeleteI love this outfit <3
Laura, you are such an inspiration, how far you have come and how strong you are is sure to give others courage. It certainly gives me courage, plus youre a blogging superstar, you're journey has been amazing to follow!
Deletexx
The dress looks wonderful and I'm glad you have support through your amazing sounding boyfriend and the bloggesr network. Please don't feel alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you Sarah, I used to feel very alone, but now i dont and through blogging, I have actually learned to enjoy my own company too, something I hated before.
Deletexx
Love the outfit. As someone who is a bit older and also suffers from depression I will tell you now that as you grow up this happens, you grow apart go in separate direction and while at the time it feels awful one day you will wake up and realise that certain people are still there and that you can make new friends who are better suited for your lifestyle. But sometimes it is a two way street and you both have to put a bit of work in.
ReplyDeleteI'm doing my best to move on from the past, but it is hard to get over my social anxieties now, I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. But, I know with time I will get better and blogging haas certainly helped me feel more confident.
Deletexx
I know what you mean - as soon as you mention anything about mental illness people react in one of two ways - either run for the hills (most) or stick with you and are supportive (a few). I've found that these are the friendships which deserve all of the effort. I owe so much to those friends who stuck by me through the hardest times. I also think I'd sometimes be totally lost without my blogging friends; it's so lovely to connect with those who have such similar interests.
ReplyDeleteI feel so bad for others with long term illnesses that have to fight to maintain friendships when they have so much other stuff to deal with. It shouldn't be such a battle and most of these people deserve better - I'm so lucky that blogging has kepr me connected to the world with lovely people like you :)
Deletexx
Gem Gem! This post made me feel so sad, it's so unfair. Just know it's most definitely not your fault, in some ways it's not theirs either (although they most certainly could do with making more effort, they're 100% missing out on fabulous you) but this is just what happens when you're ill. First things first, I do think people don't know how to act around people who are ill and I don't blame them at all...it can be a scary and upsetting thing to see people you love go through so much. But some people ARE just arseholes. As harsh as it is people have their own lives to get on with and it's an effort to keep up with friends who aren't unwell so when they have mates that require that little bit more effort you just get a bit forgotten about. It doesn't make it right at all, but that's what happens and it took me a lonnnng time to realise that. Also, I think people in general just don't have the patience for long term illnesses, with other things they're quite short where you either get better or die but when they just go on and on I think people get a bit bored as the novelty and drama of their friend being ill wears off. Or they think you're dragging it out for attention and feel like it's all one sided, completely not understanding the effects of long term illness.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to everything you say, since I started getting really ill at 13 I've struggled to make friends since. I had to miss a lot of school so I wasn't really socialising with everyone else and as a result I was super shy and anxious in groups so I think everyone just thought of me as that weird girl who was allowed to not turn up to classes and got special treatment like not having to do the annual cross country run. Uni was a similar experience and I barely keep in touch with anyone I met there because I couldn't go back to see them etc and I think they thought I just wasn't interested. But one thing I would say is that it's almost a blessing in disguise because I think very few people get to find out who their true mates are until it's too late...we get to get rid of the fakes early on and just concentrate our time and effort on those who actually care. I have two best friends that I love to bits and they're so amazing that I just don't care about the people who don't care about me!
And I agree about blogging, it's like a lifeline for me and I don't know what I'd do without it. It's led to brilliant friendships with people and I would never have opened my Etsy Store! You know when I'm in hospital I get more messages off of blogging pals than people in real life (who are 'too busy' to send a text but I still get Candy Crush requests...) It's a massive shame you live so far away or I'd be there (with Sophie Sierra in tow ;) ) visiting you! And stealing your clothes ;) But just know if you ever need a rant or whatever I'm just an email away!
But to end this essay (sorry) on a positive note you look bloody fab, as always! Your nails are so pretty.
Big love xxx
Josie’s Journal
Aww Josie, I'm so sorry it made you sad, I know how much you must relate to this and how isolated you must feel at times, but people like me are here for you 100%. I love reading about your life and how positive you are and how you make no apologies for making decisions others might disagree with - you take chare of your life and do what's best for you. I hate it when people say you need to push yourself more, when they often have nothing to base that opinion on.
DeleteYou are an inspiration, you give me confidence to talk about my on struggles, because it is a big part of who I am. I had my first panic attack at around age 6 and if I continued to shy away from it, through shame or fear, then I will never be able to move on or accept it.
Thank you for being a friend to me :)
xx
I feel the same: I have no contact with old friends and feel myself becoming more reclusive - you need to trust in fate.
ReplyDeleteLizzie's Daily Blog
Hi Lizzie, I've just learned to let it go - I feel so embarrassed when I think of the begging I did trying to maintain friendships that werent worth it.
Deletexxx
I know what you mean, but I think you have found a good attitude towards the lost friendships, that you should try to keep up. I'm also a bit weird around people I don't know. I'm good at socialising if I want to but most often I don't want to because I'm afraid they will "reject" me, so why should I try at all. It's stupid, we all know that, but oh well, we all have our quirks and weaknesses.
ReplyDeleteSo cute that you call it the cold shoulder dress haha! I love the batik print and sandy colour! Looks so cool paired with your ethno nails! <3
There's a giveaway at my blog at the moment.
Come and join if you like headbands! :)
http://badtastetoasttoast.blogspot.de/2014/09/bad-taste-toast-end-of-summer-giveaway.html
I can't imagine anyone would even consider rejecting you Ina. Sometimes I hate myself for the things I let people say to me whilst I tried to justify my feelings, eventhough I couldn't help them. I try never to do that again.
Deletexx
I have a zero tolerance with friends these days. I cannot be bothered with people with let you down. Friends should be there regardless of your mental health status, even if they don't understand it!
ReplyDeleteYeah you're right Caroline, they probably should be. The worst thing about it is not the lost friendships, but the fact that it has had such a lasting effect one me. But I do have great family, the most amazing boyfriend and a place in a great blogging community so I'm going to be OK.
Deletexxx
I didn't have friends before and I don't have friends now, after I started with all the panic and fear bullshit. So there's no problem here, I guess. :D My best friend is my boyfriend too. All the sleepless nights he endured because of me, I feel so bad about it and so grateful. I think it's better to have gone through difficulties and know which of your friends are real, instead of just hanging out with asshole who would abandon you any chance they get.
ReplyDeleteI like this dress a lot and I freakin love the first photo, you're so adorable! ^_^
It seems like we both have great boyfriends, the stuff Ryan puts up with and deals with has been a lifesaver. He never gives up on me and has such faith in me, I cant help but feel better about myself. I may not have many real life chums, but I feel like I have lots of people to turn to in my blogger chums :)
Deletexxx
Gorgeous outfit, love the yellow bag!
ReplyDeletehttp://electricsunrise.blogspot.co.uk/
xoxoxoxox
Thank you helen :)
Deletexxx
Oh Gems, you have no idea how many other girls can relate to what you went/going through! I learned the hard way that if someone isn't making an effort to stay in your life, if they don't take time out of their life to be there for you, then they are not worth YOUR time. I had a few friendships fall apart and it always made me so upset. I considered myself a great friend and I always kept asking myself a question "what did I do wrong?" Just felt like a lonely loser sometimes. I think that at times I was being simply too good of a friend, giving out too much of "myself". Only now I can understand that. When we were dating, my husband would always tell me "it's a lot better to have one amazing friend than tons of "friends" " I always thought that it was so easy for him to say, because he was Mr. Popular in school and is still good friends with all of the guys from his school. I was always so jealous of that, he always has people support him, people to hang out with, people to share his joys and misfortunes. I never had that, I'm just so socially awkward and get so anxious around people. Just can't help it, haha.
ReplyDeleteBut that is why I love blogging so much! I honestly thought that I'm the only person with those feelings and it turns out that there are so many different girls who have feelings similar to mine, girls that I can relate to. I made so many wonderful friends (and even met Sophie in person as she pointed out hehe ;) ) and it's just amazing to me to think that only a year a go I didn't know any of them.
You look lovely as always, I hope you have an amazing weekend! <3 Sending lots of love and hugs your way! <3 ;)
Paula
My beauty and lifestyle blog
Aw Gem I know the feeling. Blogging has brought me friends that "real life" hasn't and gave me somewhere to share my thoughts. Hope all is well with you x
ReplyDeleteForgive me Gem as I'm only just catching up with your posts. It's amazing how much blogging buddies can lift your spirts when your feeling low. You have most defiantly had that affect for me when you've left such kind and thoughtful comments on my blog. And even though we may not have ever met in person you just know that they are such fabulous and kind people. I have do much respect for so many blogger such as yoursrlf and laura (dausychain dream). By sharring your experiences you help so many others. (Hugs to you both)
ReplyDeleteX x